The Secret to Staying Married that Many People Would Rather Ignore
In the United States, ever since we were little kids, we are trained to have out cake and eat it to. In fact, in many households throughout the land, we are trained to have dessert before the main course.
Before we sit down to have out fruits, veggies, cereals, and grains, we’re supposed to feel entitled, at some level or other, to have dessert. It is no surprise that when people encounter any kind of difficulty, their first instinct is to hit the exit.
Now, this applies across the board. I’m not just talking about stuff that you do at work or your performance at the gym. I’m talking about your relationships.
Paired with this overarching need for a conflict-free relationship is the idea that things should be easy. We should meet Prince Charming or Miss Right, right out of the gate. Somehow someway, we picked up this assumption that the moment we start looking for the right partner, he/she must materialize, otherwise, our life has been a total failure.
Unfortunately, this kind of thinking really sets us up for relationship failure. It really does. It doesn’t really matter whether you stumbled upon your Knight in Shining Armor or Miss Perfect. Sooner or later, that person will fail you. Why?
You have an attitude that sets failure in motion. It may not happen immediately, but if you keep things up, it will happen sooner rather than later. Why?
Well, you have to understand that when you get married or when you commit to somebody for the long term, you die. I know that shocks a lot of people. I know a lot of people run away from this, but this is the absolute truth.
Part of you must die because at that precise moment of commitment, a new entity is born. This entity is neither you nor your partner. This entity is called your relationship. Your relationship has become a third party.
It has its own needs, agenda, and its own cause for existence. If you accept your commitment to the relationship, but not necessarily to the other part, your relationship has a high chance of maturing and outliving both you and your partner.
In other words, you relationship can last for a long time. The old idea of till death do us apart transitions from an empty idea that everybody pays lip service to into an actual reality that you can experience. No joke.
It all boils down to believing that when you commit to somebody, you create a relationship. This is actually the thing that you are committing to. This is the third party that gains your respect and your allegiance.
Once you make that mental switch, your attitude changes. Really, it does. Instead of looking at your partner as somebody that you have a contract with and you agreed to love only if they love you in return, you start developing the idea of sacrifice.
Regardless of what this other person does, there is such a thing as “my commitment to my relationship”. This enables you to keep on giving and giving when your partner can only keep on taking and taking.
This enables them to grow up in your relationship. This enables them to get challenged in your relationship to the extent that they can actually become a mature individual.
Believe me, without this focus on a third part relationship commitment, most relationships fall apart because nobody has the time to wait for his/her partner to get his/her act together. Do you see how this works?
Your relationship has a higher chance of succeeding. That’s the secret to staying married because you have to focus on the relationship.
Unfortunately, a lot of people would rather ignore this. In fact, a lot of people like to pretend that this does not exist. Either they meet the perfect person and it’s happily ever after or they’re never going to get married at all because perfect relationships are lies. Well, take your choice.